9 months- where did my baby go?

Yesterday Berks turned 9 months.  She is not crawling yet, but that doesn't stop her from getting where she wants to go. She rolls all over the place and pulls down books and puzzles, rolls to the vents and kicks them to make noise, and rolls all over the hardwood floor (thanks for sweeping) and tries to bite the cupboard corners (silly baby).  She claps like crazy, says dada, loves eggs, Greek yogurt, and cinnamon swirl toast. She loves to be outside and attempts to detest nap time. She has started waking up every 3 hours to eat at night.  I know she doesn't need to eat, I believe it is a comfort thing, but I nurse her anyway because I am tired and I would rather her be up for 10 minutes calm than screaming for 30.  She loves to pull her bows off her helmet so I have to distract her while I stick them on (jingling my keys usually does the trick).  She is happy, goofy, and a bit of a spitfire. She is the best thing I have ever known.

Helmet update

We have had the helmet for 2 weeks now.  We slowly increased the number of hours she wore it the first week; and the second week she has been in it 23 hours a day. She has done so well with it. She smiles and giggles at it when it is off, and grimaces when it is put on.  She likes to head butt things with it.  It is pretty funny until she does it to your face. Most people stop to talk about how cute she is.  We have only had one person ask why we would put that silly hat on her. I explained what it was and she said " a flat head, that is weird" and then walked away. I do not feel weird or nervous out in public like I thought I would. I don't notice people staring because I guess I just don't care (which I thought I would).  When she has it off I kiss her head like crazy.  I'm so glad that she has adjusted so well to it.

Trying to get a picture uploaded but it is not working.  Hopefully I will get some up soon.

It's helmet time

Today is the day. In 2 hours Berklee will be sporting a pink plastic helmet. Matt and I went back and forth trying to decide which design to pick. We finally decided on just a plain pink one and we will jazz it up with bows attached to Velcro.

Any helmet buddies out there have any words of wisdom? Do the kiddos really adjust as quickly as I am told? Is it really pain free? 

Getting in as much headband use as we can. 

Getting measurements done with the scanner. Technology is awesome. Grandma said she looked like a tellatubby :)

We are ready.  Time to shape up :)

Hubby- I swear you are not forgotten

Dear husband of mine,

I love you more than words, really, I do. I promise you once I'm not so tired, I won't bark at you for petty things like: dinner with no bib, Jammie shirt on backwards, lotion not being completely rubbed in, her dinner bowl still sitting on her high chair...your dinner bowl sitting on the counter. So when I voice, probably not such sweet words, just know that hiding under all the nastiness is the unspoken "thank you for feeding her, bathing her, and dressing her."  I know you are also tired.

I love you more than I show. We give a quick goodbye peck, welcome home peck, and a goodnight peck. All expected. I promise I am still sexy and spontaneous somewhere under my unmade face, messy hair, and crusty baby food stuck clothes. When we lay down at night and I tangle my feet in yours please know that you are still desired.

I think I am getting the hang of mommy hood (for the most part) but I am not doing a good job at being a wife. I promise I have not forgotten about you.  I could not do all of this without you, I would not be who I am without you. I promise that I still want to BE with you. I love our quick kisses and I often think about longer, more intense kisses, but somehow I forget to go through with it.  I still share my body with our daughter, and maybe that makes me a little hesitant towards you.

You are the best daddy to our little girl. You love her so much and that makes me love you more. You may do things differently than I do, but you are an active, involved father. So THANK YOU.  I will make a better effort at telling and showing you I LOVE YOU.

Monday Blues

Damn, we had Berklee's head referral and he suggests doing a helmet. With his trained eye he can see a difference in her ears and the back of her head. But, I guess without a trained eye you can see the difference in the back of her head. I am trying to be OK with this.

This is how I feel...

Irritated-  that they pushed our appointment back a month, she would already be wearing it now, had they not rescheduled us. And the specialist said it's a rush to get it on her before her next big growth spurt at 9 months; tomorrow she will be 8 months and we haven't been fitted yet.

Sad-  that she has to wear one. She is only 8 months so she won't know if anyone is looking at her funny or snickering at her, but I will; and it will break my heart.

Guilty- This is the one I struggle with the most. Is it my fault that her head is flat on the left side? Did I not hold her enough? Let her nap too long? Take her to too many places in her car seat? I am a stay at home mom, and her head is flat. Did I not do enough? GUILT. We purposely placed objects/toys to the right of her so she would have to lay that way, we did physical therapy and stretches, we positioned her differently in her crib, even tried supervised tummy naps. When I say "we" I mean mostly "I".  I feel like I failed her.
I also feel guilty because I do not want everyone to see her in a helmet. My beautiful baby is going to have to wear a bulky unattractive accessory. It is a total vanity thing, and that makes me feel super guilty. I know things can be worse and I am grateful it is just a cosmetic issue. I am fighting through this guilt and working on getting over it. She will still be adorable and it isn't my fault (allegedly).

Her fitting is in 5 days.  We should get the helmet about 2 weeks after that. Just this week she started pulling off her hats and headbands. This helmet will be an adjustment for both of us.

Here comes the sun...

Finally!  Not only is the sun making his way into our lives again, but he is bringing his friend-warmth!  Oh how I have missed their sweet kisses on my face.  This winter was a long one. UFFDA! In my 29 years of life I have probably dreaded winter for 20 of them. But this year I not only dreaded winter, I cursed it. I know it had to do with having a baby and being cooped inside. We were not shut ins, we went out and about and did weekly outings. But it wasn't with a smile on my face. Bundling the baby up so she was a lump of material with a face is not my cup of tea. But we made it through. It is close to the middle of March and this week (not so coincidently, the week we should be in AZ*high five God*) has and will be in the high 60's. What a refreshing blessing it is to be able to enjoy the outdoors again. Welcome to the sound of chirping birds, kids screaming and laughing, and the warmth of Mother Nature giving you a hug Berks!  Even though I am still sad we are not with gma and ggma, my mood has improved.

Along with admiring the disappearing winter, I admire single parents. Matt and I both had the flu for 24 hours (him puking all day, I just had body aches and chills). He was in bed all day and because he was worse off I was, I was in charge of Berks. I felt like a bad mom.  I did the necessities: feedings, changings, and naps. But in between those I laid on the couch and watched her play on the floor-alone. I wanted so badly to take a nap or give her to Matt. We even called reinforcements, but they were also sick. It was so hard to do the daily tasks.  And that night she just happened to have a terrible night. Waking up every hour for 6 hours. We took her temp and she did not have a fever and she was acting like she felt OK (thankfully) but it was rough getting up that much after not feeling well. (She ended up getting two teeth the next day).  Those of you who do everything and more that your children need, while working or not, and you do it alone; I am amazed by you!  Parenting is a challenge and I do not work, I only have one kid, and I have help.

Whatever your situation is, feeling down in the dumps or feeling like your head is barely above water; keep going.  You can do this and you are not completely alone. God has your back.

The "I" Word That Leads to War Among Parents

This topic is frustrating, uncomfortable, and hits a lot of nerves. I do not have the background to say YES you need to immunize or NO you should not immunize but I do have my opinion.

I am not a gambler. I do not place bets that hold more merit than a back rub. I do not leave circumstances up to chance if the situation can be controlled.  That being said I respect that all families can make their own decisions for religious reasons or personal beliefs. But if your decicion is to take a chance, than I also have the right to run in the opposite direction as you. And I have the right to be upset that my family has to avoid places where there are large crowds because my daughter is too young to be immunized; without your eye rolling or judgement that I (will) put "chemicals" in my child.

This topic is difficult to talk about and ends up being one side vs the other and leaves parents scrambling to defend themselves against each other. I run from you because I believe that is what I need to do to protect my baby.  You take a chance because that is what you feel will protect your family. Next time we meet, and I cross the street, rather than rolling our eyes and muttering burning insults at one another  why don't we lock eyes and SEE that each of us is just trying to do what we believe is best for our families.